Wednesday, December 29, 2010

1 Peter 4:12-13 - The Fiery Trial - sharing suffering and glory with Christ (Word Picture)

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Most "Word Pictures" I do because someone else requested them, or because of an event in someone else's life. This one sprang from one in my own.

A few weeks back, my dear wife was in the hospital getting treated for her migraines (she'd spent the previous 3 weeks never getting below "8" on the pain scale.) My mother was visiting family. I was home alone.

The fibromyalgia pain hit me harder than any pain had since I was walking along and my femur snapped. Even for someone accustomed to pain, this was INCREDIBLE.

I took all the meds I could, talked to my wife on the phone as long as I could, brought in Ambrose the Papillon. All through those dark, scary, lonely hours I kept thinking of this verse and its sister in chapter 1 (verses 6 & 7), and I kept thinking to myself Either this is true and its what is going on, or I have died and gone to hell.

Its hard for those of us who live in suffering to find meaning in it, much less hope or proof of God's love. This is one of the texts which most speaks to us in such times.

While my suffering was physical, it need not be for this text and this Word Picture to be applicable. I've known emotional and spiritual suffering of equal intensity to my current physical suffering. (I greatly prefer physical suffering to the other kinds!)

The 4x6 and other standards

This is now the 2nd Word Picture I've done which is standardized to print correctly at 4x6 without cropping issues. Since the original image was a stitched together panorama, this took more math than I thought I'd ever do in my life!

Similarly, it features the smaller file size and standardized credits information first seen in the Psa 46 Word Picture. The credits are differently placed in this one because the source was a panorama not a still picture.

Monday, December 20, 2010

The life of an icicle - set to Vivaldi's "Winter" (Video)

This is the first "art for art's sake" video I've done in a long time. I enjoyed doing it. If you enjoy watching it, that's a bonus.

The original video was an hour long. Except for the 10 seconds at the start and finish I sped it up almost 10x.

Note especially the water running along the large icicle on the left, and most of the way through the video the little icicle forming in the upper right.

The music is played by the USAF band and is available at musopen.org and archive.org - it is public domain

Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike

This has nothing to do with suffering or angst or anything related except insofar as it was a distraction from them. Its always good to "stop and smell the roses" but when your life is constant suffering, its VITAL.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Psalm 46:1 - God is our refuge & strength - Sunrise over Lk Michigan | Why this project so consumes & energizes me

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This is both a redo and a return to the roots of the "Word Pictures" project. It also marks something of a new beginning as I've standardized some things about the way I do this, including the proportions of the images and the way I put my credit & contact info in the images.

4x6 printing

The last first- Its been a great frustration to me that my Word Pictures would not print out properly in 4x6 format at CVS or Walgreens, or even on a photo printer unless you adjusted the settings. Since my hope is that people will print these images and give them to shut-ins, people in hospitals, and others suffering, this printing problem was a big deal.

Math has never been my strong suit, but I finally figured out how to increase the length/height of of the images so that they will print properly without having to manually over ride the default settings. This will make it a lot easier for people to use these for one of my intended purposes.

The way I did this was to create a boilerplate "credits" image to add to each image. So from now on my contact information and the licensing terms of the images will appear in a standardized way. This has the added advantage of being a lot easier for me to do than to find some place in each image to artistically work that information in.

A return to the beginning

This project's roots go back almost a year. I was recovering from having my right femur fixed with a titanium rebar when a dear relative was given 6 weeks to live. I couldn't get out of my house much less go to his deathbed. When I was able to walk etc, I'd used "care cards" which often had a picture with a Bible verse on them in my professional life. This relative loved the hymn "A mighty fortress" so I decided that its source psalm- Psalm 46- was the Scripture to use. That psalm uses imagery of God's control over nature- roaring waters, mountains, etc- so I wanted a picture which featured nature strongly, but one which would be peaceful and calming to look at. This relative loved Lake Michigan, so I chose this picture of a glorious sunrise over it in Chicago.

This first "Word Picture" was printed at 8x10, so I was able to put the entire Psalm in the black rocks at the bottom.

After I created it, I realized that what I had done to help my relative could be helpful to other people, and began this project.

Most times people use Bible verses in pictures as part of ministry however, they use them in smaller formats. At 5x7 or 4x6, the words became mud. So last summer I tried redoing this using just the first verse of the psalm. That resulted in something which looked "cool" but wasn't really useful... the first half of the verse was in the clouds, and it took great effort to read.

Our own time of need gave birth to this improved version

Last week, my beloved wife entered the hospital because her migraine syndrome was no longer responding to the treatments available out patient. My wife also loves Lake Michigan and Chicago, so this was the natural choice for her.

However, the earlier version needed to be improved for the full desired effect to be achieved. That is part of why I did this now.

The other thing which fed into working on this project while my wife was in the hospital was that I needed to be immersed in art and Scripture. So when I wasn't visiting her, tending house, or dealing with the ravages of fibromyalgia, I was working on "Word Pictures." Psalm 46:1 went through several "drafts" before this. I also started work on several others you'll see in due time. I've spent a lot of time and energy on this because this project was the only thing in my life compelling enough to distract me from the savage pain running amok in my body or the loneliness in my heart.

Why does this project is so consume & energize me? Romans 8:28 meets Ephesians 2:10

You see, working on this project unites all the strands of my life in a way nothing else does or can.

My passion for photography & art
My compassion for the suffering
My previous pastoral vocation

With my wife in the hospital and my fibromyalgia hitting me with the worst pain since my leg broke 13 months ago, I really needed this project.

Even when my pain is a little less and my wife's at home, I still very much need an outlet for my photographic & pastoral passions and a distraction from pain. We're both disabled, we're both in pain every day. I need beauty, I need to be doing something which can help others suffering because I'm not able to do so directly and personally.

See what I mean about it uniting the strands of my life? I also like to think that this project is the intersection of two of my favorite verses- Romans 8:28 and Ephesians 2:10

Romans 8:28

We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared before that we would walk in them.

(Both from the World English Bible - a Public Domain translation I often use or consult in this project. Generally its a very good translation, maintaining much of the "ear feel" of the King James while also balancing more recent scholarship. In most cases, I think its better than "proprietary" translations.)

I've pastored far out in the country and deep in the city, to gunshot victims in trauma bays and the homeless in alleys . These days, its dicey if I can even drive or walk without a cane... couldn't imagine writing a sermon much less delivering it. Yet in making these, I find as much personal and vocational fulfillment as anything else I've done in my life.

A lot of words for this one picture.

Well, a lot of me went into it, there's a lot of me in this project in general.

While I am currently working on several more Word Pictures, I'm always eager for suggestions. If you have a special need I'd consider it an honor to assist you with it in my small way. You'll see that I have a new email address dedicated to the project. Its a Latin phrase a dear friend suggested for me as fitting for the project. Its not as easy to translate as some, but essentially it means "The work you do which is most true." PERFECT!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Autumn Aster- Last Fall Flower.

This tiny flower has survived several freezes. There are two pictured here, none higher than 2 inches.

These are a few of my favorites.

In this they almost form a heart shape. Nice optical illusion

This is pretty much what you see walking past / over them

Just goes to show, you can find something worth taking pictures of if you look carefully enough.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Mirco Med Rant - Were famine care handled as health care...

Those most hungry would have to go to the greatest lengths to prove they need food
Rice gruel and barely potable water would be substituted for meat and milk
When waiting in line for food, the line would close and the person would be redirected to another line... and they'd have to start at the back
"Hunger" by itself would not be considered a valid reason for food aid. Instead, extensive laboratory tests would be required to demonstrate that the person was in a state of malnutrition.
These tests would delay the provision of food and exacerbate the problem of hunger.
Those least in need of food would have the most ready access to it.

This has nothing to do with politics. It has to do with ridiculous and onerous burdens placed on those who are sick and in need of care... I don't care whose idea it was to create these added procedures and layers of administration which stand between the person needing care and the provision of the care - the problem is that they exist at all.

Its axiomatic that the more in need you are, the weaker and more burdened by ill health, the harder you have to work to get the care you need. This is the world turned upside down... thus my graphic.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

My mother and me looking through a log wall - yes, there is a family resemblance

Please click to see the full sized photos

Many people remarked on the family resemblance just in seeing the picture of my mother. Now paired with the pictures of me at the same place a few days later you should especially see it. I paired them according to the style of our expressions... the top two go together, as do the bottom two. I stacked them like this because I made this image to post, and people are more used to vertical scrolling than horizontal.

The first picture of my mother stands among the best pictures of a person I've ever taken. I've been taking unusually aggressive measures to make sure it gets out to all the family members.

You'll note I marked this photo copyright. I only do that with photos of family members. I post these rarely and only by permission, and when I do so, it is only for the benefit of family members, not to show up in somebody else's project or video.

The place is Skiles Test city park, just a few miles from here. Its one of the family's favorite places. The log fort wall was there because the city had invited local artists to come create things using materials found on site.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

A bit of video fun for its own sake: Our cat climbing the garden gate | (Yes, art therapy can be fun too! It should be time to time!)

Fun for its own sake- thats what both the 3 little clips which went into making this video were, as was making it. That's a good thing. Even an "emotional bathysphere" such as I needs a break from sturm und drang, and anyone living with chronic pain or disability has more than enough of that in their lives.

This is another view which makes me something of an "art therapy heretic" but after 15 years in the church, I'm used to that! My "faith stream's" founder was decried as a wild boar running amok in the Lord's garden, so being a heretic isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Light and fun as shooting and producing this was, it is a significant event in my life. With its devastating effects on energy and concentration, fibro had robbed me of my ability to do the sort of elaborate and carefully constructed videos which had been my wont and my great pleasure. While this has been the case, I've never accepted it had to be so. I've been determined to find a way to work around the limited energy and attention span. This video is an experiment in doing just that, and it came out quite well.

The way I was able to make this was work was to break everything down to its most elemental and do that sequentially. So first I collected the video clips, then the pictures, then I put them in the editor, and within the editor I did each type of editing on all the clips, saved the project, cleared my head with something else, came back and continued. I also tried to keep this as simple as possible.

I hope to be able to apply these principles to more videos. If there's more to learn about living with fibro's crushing pain and lack of energy while still being a creative human being, I will. I will NOT concede ultimate defeat to this. A tactical retreat might be necessary from time to time, but surrender is not a concept I accept.

Here's the boilerplate from Youtube:

Three fun clips of my clat climbing the garden fence, mixed with photos of my wife holding her and her in the flower garden behind. Its been so hard to work on videos with fibro, wanted to try something simple and fun to get back into it. I had fun making this, I hope you have fun watching it!

Radio commercial is Creative Commons BY-NC-SA from http://www.archive.org/details/Vintag...

Visuals also cc: ny-nc-sa http://listig.multiply.com & http://suffering-and-art-therapy.blog...

PS- Fun fact: Phoebe here is almost 15 years old! She's a very active & healthy elderly kitty!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Job 19:26 Word Picture - Flesh fails, yet shall see God

This verse was the original one requested and this picture is what got me to act on the request. When I saw it afterwards I was taken with how vividly and perfectly it illustrates the verse.

That water is present in both pictures is not coincidental. I never miss an opportunity to take photos of flowers after a heavy fog or rain, the results are always quite impressive.

This is the same kind of flower- a cosmos- as the one for verse 25. Could even be the exact same flower.

It had been my intent to do this in landscape format as the previous one was, however when looking at the photos the words of this verse worked as perfectly above and below the flower as the ones to verse 25 had worked along side it.

Should the need arise I could do a version of it in landscape mode, however I decided it was better to go with the artistic "dao" than to force conformity between the two for conformity's sake.

The monochrome versions are below. The first looks better, the second prints better. This is not a picture which converts well to monochrome... far too much of the intensity of the withered petals and faded center is lost.

Better looking mono, using Floyd-S dithering setting 160, then inverted.

Prints out better. Same dithering as above. This was the first mono version I created.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Words & a picture: Job 19:25 and a cosmos

Foreword: There are some creative endeavors which have meaning even beyond the obvious. These are those which let us still engage in the pursuits and interests we had before suffering and disability came. I was a pastor/chaplain/missionary/evangelist. When I create these "Word Pictures" it engages me both creatively and spiritually.

The latter is something accessible to anyone who is disabled, whether they were of a spiritual vocation or not, and regardless of their particular spirituality. I find that engaging in the creative endeavor always brings me closer to God because God is the creator, and when I'm creating, I'm in unity with him. Additionally, since visual arts are my primary medium, I'm always working with the beauties of creation. Those are both dynamics which anyone who is disabled or suffering can engage in, and I highly urge you to do so.

Color, full sized

Only "fx" a bit of sharpening. Photo when taken was under exposed with fill flash, right after a heavy rain.

Mono, full sized

>
Converted to black and white by Floyd–Steinberg dithering, setting = 19

Color, half sized

Mono, half sized

There are many interesting aspects about this project.

To begin with, this started with a suggestion from a friend that I do Job 19:26. I agreed, its a great verse and often used in funeral liturgies, but when I looked at the context, I was taken with the previous (this) verse as well. It is the most beautiful expression of the Gospel in the Old Testament. Initially I thought to do both verses in one image, but that would have been too cluttered- neither the words nor the images would have been of a size to be worthwhile.

So how is it that I wound up doing this verse first? I worked backwards. I had been sitting on the request to do Job 19:26 for a couple of months. Then last week I took a picture of a cosmos withered up not at all thinking of the verse, but just because it was visually compelling. When I looked at the pictures though the verse immediately came to mind.

When I realized I wanted to do verse 25 as well I had to find a picture of the same flower with the same tone as the withered one. Here's where the story gets exciting (for me anyway)

I picked out eight candidates and reviewed them with my wife this afternoon. This photo was her immediate choice and I concurred. I had thought to leave it with that and proceed to do the requested verse first, but somehow this photo and the verse grabbed hold of me... and 10 minutes later, it was done except for adding in the credits and doing the reduced colors and sized versions.

I've never had a word picture come together so quickly, nor have I ever been so pleased. The words just naturally flowed around the shape of the flower. It was magical. Not only was I pleased with the end result, but I was pleased at how transparent to the process I became as I was doing it. I used to have that experience all the time before fibro took over my life, this is the first time I've had it in months.

I hope to do verse 26 soon so you can see them as I do in my mind, as a pair. The verses go SO well together and so will the finished projects.

Administrivia:

This is in landscape mode and I do not plan on doing a portrait mode unless asked because of how well the words flowed around the image. I can't image a portrait format being as artistically perfect, but if needed I will give it a try.

I usually create multiple monochrome versions. In this case though, with the dark and deeply saturated original, I am not going to. It was hard enough to get one good one. This image is a PERFECT example of why I go to the extra effort to create monochrome versions. When I printed the color image to my B&W laser printer, it was a disaster.

At the moment the images are only on Multiply and Facebook. I do plan to upload them to the other sites where I make my "Word Pictures" available but I'm worn out right now... doing things on the web still takes a lot out of me, so that will have to await another day. I'll probably wait until I have the image for verse 26 before I do those uploads.

Improved, MUCH better monochrome version

Full sized

This goes again to show why I put the extra effort into creating high quality monochrome versions of my Word Pictures ... the previous mono versions looked great on the screen but when I printed them they were ugly and muddled.

So I simply inverted the colors ("negative" in most software) and replaced the black "F" with white in the "For" because when I printed the invert the first time the "F" was not as clear as I'd like.

The same trick could be applied to any of my previous mono versions which are darker. I've come to see that monochrome versions need to be predominately white with black details. One is always learning as long as one is living.

half size

Job 19:25 Word Picture - "I know that my Redeemer lives" | IMPROVED monochrome versions

Full sized

So I simply inverted the colors ("negative" in most software) and replaced the black "F" with white in the "For" because when I printed the invert the first time the "F" was not as clear as I'd like.

half size

Friday, September 24, 2010

TODAY'S BEAUTY: 5 Petaled Zinnia rendered as a pencil sketch

This is a photo of a Zinnia with all but 5 petals gone which I ran through FotoSketcher. The filter is pencil sketch #3.

Its part of a series I started of using different filters in FS and PhotoFilter but never quite finished. This is my favorite of the series so far, so I thought it perfect to share with you as "today's beauty."

FotoSketcher is a fantastic program for rendering photos into paintings as you see.

As usual the original photo was under-exposed by two stops with fill flash.

http://www.fotosketcher.com/

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Toothbrush Rugs: Grocery bags as an art form- my waiting room rug & Creativity is the best medicine

I started this rug in January as a rug to work on while in the waiting room at doctors' offices and while waiting for scans. Mind you, I always have a rug with me at such events, but often it is what ever rug I'm working on, and the rugs I had started before fibro were too complicated in their planning for what I was able to deal with.

So this one is very simple- its to be an abstract flower. The center is all yellow, the rest alternating white and yellow. Such an easy scheme I could pull off even in deepest fibrofog / agony, and as you can see, I have. At 20" it would be close to done were I to stick to my 24 - 26 inch standard, but plastic bag rugs I often make larger. I'll keep working on it until I'm sick of it. Yeh, nothing deeper that that. Really, that's often the reason I decide to finish a rug off. These are a pleasant past time. When they stop pleasing me, I move on to another one.

This craft is inherently "green" as even the needle is recycled, but I especially love the "beautiful recycling" aspect of making rugs from grocery bags. We all go through so many, and even when we take them to the store to be recycled, lots of fossil fuels have to be expended to reuse them. Not so when made into a rug. The environmental impact is zero, since I do these during "down time."

So each colored section above = one half bag. I've never calculated how many it takes to make a rug, but you can imagine it takes a vast quantity.

Shopping bags are ideal, they have the right strength and surface. My mother has made them from bread bags and newspaper bags, but these stretch out more easily and have stickier surfaces so aren't as easy to work with.

I take a bag, fold it in half, and cut it. I don't cut slits, I use one handle of the bag for one end, and punch a hole with my needle for the other. So in this you see I remain true to my prime directive that these rugs are to be fun, relaxing, easy. Sure, you could cut up the bag other ways, but this takes the least time and effort so its what I do.

Handicrafts most certainly do count as "art therapy" as much as painting or photography. They are creative, a means of expression, something on which to focus other than suffering. I take a very "holistic" view of art therapy, not a narrowly defined one that it must somehow directly relate to expressing or processing your suffering. My view is... sometimes the best way to process suffering is to take a break from it. We who live this life are supersaturated in suffering. I hardly think its necessary that everything we do revolve around it... and indeed, there is immense benefit in finding what we are able to do in spite of, regardless of, the pain and limitations under which we live. (Yes, actually have had this argument... more than once, sadly.)

Indeed, I'm sometimes reticent to depict my art- be it photography or the rugs or videos- as art therapy because that makes them relate to fibro... when really, they are what frees me from fibro, frees me to be me. I can't chop wood or ride the bongo board or very often even drive because of fibro, but these are things which give me joy and are of my essence which I can still do. I

So why do I always post these as "the art of suffering?" Because I want to encourage other people who are disabled and pain ridden to find themselves through art and creativity because for all the wonders of modern medical science- doctors and pills cannot make you you, they can-at best- make it possible for you to be you.

This is the sister blog to "TheArtOfSuffering.blog.com"

Hello, I'm a mid 40s male with fibromyalgia, just diagnosed mid 2010. In addition, my wife has been disabled with migraines for 5 years and has had them most of our 15+ years together. We are both dynamic, intense, creative people and this continues to be the case. However, fibro & migraines both limit our range of activities and make engaging in those still open to us more essential.

I originally created theartofsuffering.blog.com to showcase my creative endeavors to address & express my condition AND encourage others to do so. I intend to keep it up, however several logistical difficulties have led to the necessity of creating a sister blog here at blogger, where I already have a blog dedicated to one of my creative endeavors- recycling old clothes, plastic bags, etc into rugs via an old folk craft known as "toothbrush rugs". You can check it out here.

I hope you can see back posts at the original blog, and I hope in the future to post to both.

Besides the old handicraft, photos and videos are my main media, with a special emphasis on photography from a different perspective (PoV) or with different lighting than one usually sees and videos which employ repeating elements similar to a musical chaconne or fugue.

Burning Bush - Slate Sky - Sample image AND why I've been doing daily art posts

I've taken easily over 100 pictures like this, I do plan to post them to an album, but I don't have the energy to do that today, and therein lies something worthwhile to comment on.

For years while I watched my wife suffer the torments of migraines with no relief, I urged her to grasp back at life, to pull some of it back from the maw of the demonic beast which had taken over her life. Since she is a dynamic creative person, a major thing I encouraged her in was expressing herself creatively and engaging that rich inner world of hers. Its paid off... she's written two incredible novels (as yet sadly unpublished), is well on her way to finishing a third, and has done numerous outstanding paintings (as yet sadly unposted.)

Since my atraumatic fracture of my femur last November, the discovery of osteoporosis & the diagnosis of fibromyalgia, I've had the unique opportunity (how I dearly hope its unique!) for me to practice what I've long been preaching.

When fibro first struck me down though it was a tough transition to make... before fibro, I was routinely doing major complex projects such as my video tour-de-force "Fire Spirit, Inspired by the music of Troll's Den." which featured photos I took of this same shrub- the "burning bush"- last year, using an innovative "animation" style which has greatly informed subsequent projects.

I couldn't begin to maitain the energy levels and concentration it took to create that now. I kept trying and projects kept being left uncompleted.

So lately I've learned to grasp on to what bits of energy and focus I have, for as long as I have them, and do smaller projects.

The next step will be to break the larger projects into smaller bits I can still do, but I want to get more well established in this groove of posting something creative every day before I do this.

About the photo

I used the "relief more" filter on it, but otherwise, this photo actually features far less "magic" than most of mine. I didn't adjust the exposure at all, I simply set the camera to "macro focus" so it could capture the leaves at low light settings.

When I'm able to process all the "Burning bush- slate sky" photos, I'll do an album. For now though, this stunning picture serves as today's window into my creative soul.